This is one of those posts where you get to see behind the curtain a bit. It’s not pretty. Or inspiring. In fact, I’ll probably wind up sounding… well… ‘certifiable’ to some of you, but I’m going to write it anyway.
Please understand that I’m not complaining, whining or looking for sympathy. I know that it’s one of those things that happens to everyone involved in creative work at some time or other. It’s normal, and it will pass. Eventually. But it’s part of the “creative life”, so here goes.
I seem to be having a crisis of sorts. Not that this is new for me, but what *is* new is how dry the ol’ creative well has been for an extended period now. I’m experiencing an utter lack of inspiration: a truly epic case of creative block.
Case in point:
I enjoy the flower drawings I’ve been doing. I really do. Flowers are beautiful and fascinating… sadly, not really inspiring though. To me, the results seem very stilted. Perfectly contrived. Rather soul-less, if you will. Can I draw accurately? Yes. But the results seem to lack that…spark. That something that separates a rendering from a piece of art… that energy that connects with the viewer. Perhaps drawing from photos has something to do with it. Who knows? Bottom, line: lack of inspiration = lack of spark (for me at least).
Because of this scarcity of inspiration, I very seldom anymore allow myself to just pick up a pen and start drawing. Nothing in particular. No agenda. No plan. Just draw. I simply don’t do it. I don’t know why. It’s definitely not a good thing… because the longer it goes on, I begin to think I *can’t*. (See, I told you it would sound crazy.)
I even distracted myself by doing a bit of needlework designing, but after completing that project, I quickly realized the block issue had not gone away. Apparently, success in another creative discipline doesn’t translate back. Who knew?
ANYWAY. In an effort to force myself to look at things differently, to try something new… or at least, whilst waiting for the creative juices to start flowing again, to work on the basics of drawing and just ‘do the work’ of putting pen to paper and staying put at the drawing table…
…I dug through the mountain of unfinished/barely begun drawings stacked on the shelves, and grabbed one of the many unsuccessful incarnations of the dreaded horse drawings that have been haunting me for years. (Perhaps I had the subconscious impulse to finally just mess it up so badly I could finally pitch the darn thing? Works for me.) So, I started to draw. No plan, no thoughts, no nothing… just pen to paper:
It’s weird. It’s bizarre. It makes no sense to me, and I guess it doesn’t *have* to. I might finish it, just out of curiosity. But at least I’m drawing again, and that alone is relief enough for now. 🙂